You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
