can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
