Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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