But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
