Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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