since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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