my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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