I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As shirtless as possible
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
