tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
