Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
