There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
