We won't sleep together?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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