Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
