I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
