walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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