Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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