I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
