Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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