Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize