There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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