even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
