lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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