well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
