I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
