Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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