he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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