I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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