When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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