i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
