I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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