is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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