Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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