it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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