it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
