Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
