worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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