I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
