My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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