i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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