I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Enjoy the penises
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
