9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
