they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
