mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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