They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
