dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
