I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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