i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
