sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
