We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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