How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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