Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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