We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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