At least make sure they are 18
Why
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
