There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
