Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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