Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
