OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
