I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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