I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
