In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
